Saturday, 23 October 2010
No pictures with this post.
Not the best time of year for me. Sadly the summer was a washout with hardly enough time for the ground to dry before the next wetting. My hopes for some useful relandscaping and the fat burning exercise were dashed, there is an area seen from the new window where we can look out while washing dishes which looks like a recreation of a first world war battlefield especially after a little rain. Today we had a lot of rain!
I knew that my metabolism would slow with the HRT and thought the gardening would see me through the change but it has not and I am now about six pounds larger than before. For health and some vanity I need to reduce. When I read Lucy’s post about her upcoming operation and need to also reduce it acted as a spur to get on with it. I did it about twenty years ago when I gained weight during a low period in my life only getting kicked into doing something when I started to run out of clothes which fitted! An increase in activity and careful control of eating gave me a slow and regular reduction. Like Lucy, I like food so we will both have a challenge ahead, I know there are others out there on the same path, wish us luck.
The government has said it will not be cutting health spending but I am still a pessimist at heart where they are concerned and fear the worst. GRS is still a year off minimum but rather than slip into a depression waiting, I just love waiting!, It is best I try and get this new body in some kind of shape so that they can’t hold me back because of fitness or health concerns over weight. My sloppy uncoordinated wardrobe will have to do for a while, I had wanted to get some smarter clothes but dare not if they are not going to fit in the near future. That is one advantage of the darker months, nobody can see you!
When I started to clear my face of hair I thought that might be enough to make me comfortable with myself and it was until I started to see a memory of that face from forty years before and it was less masculine and ugly than I feared it might be and I started to want to progress.
I don’t know how but I managed to slip through the usual channels and got the horrible bag of balls removed two years ago. They had started to hang lower and swing about driving me to distraction. Once gone I thought they would have to give me HRT as the obvious drug to counter loss of bone density but it did not work out like that. I was fairly comfortable with the idea that the poisonous testosterone was gone and not much rubbish was left between my legs, I thought this would be enough for me.
Being sent to the gender clinic to be examined to see if I was crazy was the one thing I had tried to avoid for most of my life. They know this has nothing to do with being crazy, you do not cure mental problems with surgery! Sent I was and declared not crazy and told that there was nothing to stop me going as far as I desired with my change! How this will pan out under the new austerity financial climate I will have to wait and see, the health service is the only way I can possibly do this so I am at their mercy now that they have raised my hopes.
I have not been watching so much tv since I discovered the net, surprise surprise but when I clicked it into life last week there was a documentary about a couple of people part way through transition, both brazenly admired their bodies in full length mirrors. One was a performer with fabulous curves and bumps in all the right places and was in no rush to loose the original equipment, the other was headed for the operation, you later saw the knife slice in which is fascinating and certainly causes not a sign of a flinch in me, lots of dangling tackle shown in the mirror.
It struck me that I am quite fortunate to be rid of the testicles and be little bothered by the shrunken penis which hardly shows when wearing knickers. I was happy enough to wear bikini bottoms when on the public beaches in France. If I get stuck at this stage I think I could come to terms with that situation but I could not if I was lumbered with the sort of things those two girls still had between their legs.