Friday, 8 October 2010

Up too early and thinking.

Not much sleep and woke in darkness with another sore throat, how can this be?
I came to the screen in search of something to distract me only to find that most people out there whose blogs I follow seem to have lives to lead, many to such an extent that their blogs have ceased to be or have not had a post for months and you are now all neatly filed at the bottom of my list hidden away for now.
The three posts waiting for me this morning all hit on topics active in my thoughts these days.
A Life Reborn - Rebecca Posted photographs of early morning walks in the early autumn parkscape. Unwanted freedom has given her this opportunity to explore her world but like many in our circle is now seeking new work alongside a new life. Frustrating in a world where so many useless people are employed and so many talented are not. I was once a driven observer of the world through the lens and feel a little embarrassed to find that I am not posting images as good as these. Lets hope Rebecca gets employed soon to save me further embarrassment!
Virginia's Tonic Worries that she is dominating the home agenda with her new found life. I think we have all probably done that at some period as we burst into the world like Champagne from a shaken bottle after an eternity held down tight.
I seem to be reaching near the end of the bubbly period which really took off four months ago with my final coming out though followers will know that I had been wondering how far out I had to go before someone finally asked, people can be really dumb. There does seem to be an infinite number of people to tell and paperwork to get through but after a life time of angst and frustration boiling away inside sending me through a roller coaster ride of depressions real life is a bit quiet and almost dull. This does not bode well for the next years posts does it? Our national health system grinds away very slowly and is getting evermore strapped for cash for the final piece of surgery which has been dangled like a carrot before me.
Forty years ago I was told That there was no hope of ever getting any medical help in my lifetime and like a fool I believed this medical wisdom! Stranded in a limbo, no way on earth was I ever going to attempt to play a male role and wear hideous male clothes but wearing my unisex to feminine style did not exactly make an unqualified person employable, we had depressions in the economy back then too. I stepped into the shadows and lived a very quiet life venturing out only occasionally. The world slowly changed and while we hardly fully accepted into society help is finally there if you have the circumstances and nerve to ask for it. The personal price is still a high one to pay and while I have been lucky to live in an accepting arts circle of friends not everybody is so lucky with even the mother-child bonds often the first to break! Sadly as a group we are as disunited as any out there and perhaps is responsible for our lack of general acceptance. We shall be forever a wide ranging and fluid group with those least able to make a full and imperceptible return into society the ones most likely to be the long term face society sees and holds as a caricature. We, and certainly society generally does not have a hard and fast set of words clearly defined to be able to describe us and our condition, we hardly know what to call ourselves or the surgical procedures we may undergo.
Divide and rule has been a good adage since time immemorial and we seem to do a very good job of doing just that to ourselves to allow others to rule us! Melissa's Meanderings is now up to 20 comments as cages have been rattled. Perhaps we are doomed.
Jill at Through the Looking Glass, perhaps still private, has been a bit behind with her voice exercises. Now surely we can all be agreed on this one point. M2F voice is hard and we just have to put in the practice even though it is hard to judge your own results.
Now if only I did not have a sore throat...

5 comments:

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  2. Yes, there is indeed life to be lived. While the initial effervescence has worn off and it is far from flat, for me anyway life is just not that exciting. The agenda for today? I need to go down to the front office for where I live and pay a bill. I have library books that need to be returned so I'll probably stay around there for a while looking for something new to read. And I am out of fresh veggies so I will probably stop by the store on the way home and shop for whatever is on my grocery list at the moment. A day in the life of Sophie, lol, The End. A simple woman leading a simple life.

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  3. Always good to read your insights, Caroline. Hope your throat is better soon!

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  4. Hi, Caroline! I'm just getting over a rather nasty bug that laid me low earlier in the week. I'm sorry to hear that you're coming down ill again, you just got over the last one! I hope that you feel better soon!
    My wife is so sick of me talking about my transition that she cuts me off and changes the subject before I even get started! LOL! I think that when you've been repressed for so long it's natural to get stuck on the ''All Trans Channel'' if you have a SO who is even half way accepting. Transition is a VERY big deal for us and it's natural to want to share our excitement with those we love. Transition is also very time consuming, what with appointments with therapists, endos, laser and electro, maybe also surgeons, and the sheer amount of time it takes to even get out the door in the morning, it's all in the forefront of our minds constantly.
    The comment count was at 24 when I last stopped in at Melissa's blog. I'm not sure if we're doomed but...
    Sadly, I'm one of the ungainfully unemployed with no life! I've been looking for work for months to no avail, it's put all of my well laid plans on hold indefinately.
    Rebecca is a very good photographer, isn't she? She seems to have a natural talent for it, I can't help but wonder if she could turn her photography into a career! Yours are good, too :-D

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  5. I'm so sorry that your throat is sore again. Maybe you're getting too many hugs and kisses. That can be a hazard for a popular girl.

    Thanks for mentioning my blog!

    Melissa XX

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Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

I can be contacted on the email found on my profile page.