Friday, 29 April 2011

New sex club just down the road.

I was chatting online last night and my chatee suggested that I should visit a local sex club. Somehow I mentioned that such a place had opened a couple of miles away in an old police station and that it could somehow kick off a post, she suggested that I should sample their services first to add authenticity to the post, how we laughed, you had to be there, no not the club!
Funny thing sex. There are two dogs in this house driven demented by it, the boy dog thinks of almost nothing else, wants to suck and lick my toes as foreplay to trying to rape my leg! Saying no has driven him wild, now his old mother, about 90 in human years is giving off the chemical signals and you would think he had found and consumed a whole stash of interesting drugs! Given half a chance, when the moment is right he will arrive like an exocet missile for their incestuous coupling in as public a place as they can find.
Several recent blogs have mentioned the desperate interest in the contents of our underwear especially as a means of classifying us in their minds, always it is the sex in transsexual that seems to get them. Often there is no sex in transsexual! As curious as people seem to be 60  to 70% post GRS patients have reported not using the new equipment and those who want to often report difficulty finding any partner to play with. 
Strange how the rest of the population is not really willing to define themselves publicly with the exact contents of their underwear and just exactly what they do or would want to do with it. I am sure they woulds make the lives of most transsexuals seem very dull. For those who are not so shy there is the new club and clearly some do want the public to know what they have and how they want to use it
On this planet of six billion plus we are far from alone in our difficulty to easily find a compatible partner with all the handicaps of societies constantly changing rules through time and space battling with the random brainwashing by family and friends. Sometimes it is a wonder that there are any happy relationships out there as we play these games of sexual poker never fully able to declare our true hands.
Today they say the world is tuned in to watch the post coital matching of a couple of British  twenty somethings, perhaps it will be a better match than the one the bridegroom’s mother made when entitled to wear white and did not fully understand what she was signing on for. Why so much fuss when divorce has become so normal it is almost expected and should be incorporated into the ceremony, “Will thou take Will until lawyers do you part?”
I am happily married, not something my younger self could ever have imagined I could have written. By three I knew life had all gone wrong, the world did not see me in the role I knew should be mine and my role models were the happy same sex female couples which I encountered. By the time biology lessons had confirmed my fears and it was also confirmed that male / female couples were the only acceptable ones I really had given up on being part of this world and settled down to a solitary life. I had not even bothered to analyze my personal feelings and drives, experience had already told me that both sexes rejected my company and even if I could find a lesbian, why on earth would she choose me over the real deal!? Surely I told myself I was at he end of a very long line of millions probably so why even join the queue?
It is only recently that I have realised that I fit a definition of asexual. Not being too bothered or interested I had never really enquired! I had a drive all be it one which could hardly be measured by even the most sensitive instruments on the planet but it was actually there, well sometimes. I assumed asexual meant absolute zero activity but seems not. Even those in the category will engage with those they form bonds with, they don’t have to want the sex but we all perhaps want closeness and to make a partner happy. Not having any need for a male climax, preferred not to have the smelly sticky stuff everywhere to be honest, I could do the tantric thing and keep it available for a partner's pleasure indefinitely, until demanded to stop providing orgasms! Interestingly this service is not popular and the very small number who have tried it soon got bored. I loved being part of someone else’s desires, it was the trigger to what pleasure I derived along with the female body to play with. I am delving far back into the last century to remember these things!
I now love the utter calm of zero sex drive aided by the lack of testosterone and the HRT which you might have thought would increase it. Sex in films elicits no response beyond the analysis of the woman’s curves and wondering what on earth such a woman could possibly see in the horrible male she has been told to like! Finding a sex club in the vicinity merely caused a curious chain of thoughts on the strangeness of human sexuality and what would drive a couple to emulate the dogs on heat to publicly copulate with strangers of unknown cleanliness. No doubt this gives away my desire for adoration, serial monogamy and horror of disease. Link this with the fact that my drive has never really given me the urge to cross a room in search of sex let alone drive miles and pay entrance fees suggests that I shall not be spending tonight researching the facilities down the road.
I have sometimes felt like someone who has no sense of taste bewildered by those who spend their lives seeking out fabulous foods when you only need the right mix of protein, carbohydrate, fats, vitamins and a few trace elements to survive. I wonder what it must be like to be driven by desires and utterly open to experiencing being taken into the world of someone else’s lustful urges but it is not to be…
Good luck to those who do get their dreams fulfilled.


  1. It took me a long time to accept that I was such a rare person as to be transsexual. Now it seems I am even rarer -- someone who has sex after SRS! Then again, I'm not sure I believe that 60-70 percent never have sex after SRS.

    I know there are asexual people in the world, as well as people with low libidos. It's a normal human variant. But being like I am, I must say that I don't grok it.

  2. Interesting post. Interesting picture. Interesting juxtaposition of the two.

    It's nice to understand someone just a little better, and look at life through their eyes. Thanks. This one deserves some re-reading and some re-thinking.

    I, for one, was a somewhat undersexed, run-of-the-mill woman lover in my past; but, of late, have become an, at times, sex-starved, sex crazed man chaser (though admittedly few men at my age cause much of a stir, and the one's who do are, not surprisingly, already taken or too male to be particularly interested in reciprocating).

    Sex perhaps plays too great a part in our lives whether for, against, or insipid.

  3. Fortunately, your chatee had her tongue firmly in her girly cheek when suggesting that you visited the club. But it was very, very funny.

  4. I actually used to say, when still in my twenties, that I was 'the most asexual of men'. But I'm not sure now that I really knew what I was saying!

    Certainly, my sex drive has always been low, and this seems to chime in with my low pre-hoemone testosterone level. Post-op, I'm not sure how I stand - nor in which direction! It's very much wait-and-see. But already I think there must be something about being girl-shaped and girl-hormoned that will make me much more alive to the possibilities out there!


  5. I've love affection, but think I've always been asexual. With rare acceptions, sex always seemed like a chore, but maybe that was because I was expected to be the provider of sex, rather than the recipient. By my late twenties after many disappointments, I just thought it wasn't worth the effort anymore, and I just stopped. I've never regretted it.

    Melissa XX

  6. As I recall, that mutt had the hots for you last year too. It must be your body wash.

    Melissa XX

  7. And here was me thinking a post with X in the title would create a torrent of comments.

    Quite right Melissa, you have just proved that you actually pay attention to what I write, if only there was a prise on offer. The mutt did have the hots for my leg last year, you could power a small town if you could capture his pent up sexual energy. Then again if all the energy wasted in human sexual frustration could be harnessed there would be no more dependency on oil.

    The mutt has been trained to resist me, my toes are off limits at all times, he is now driven demented by his mothers pheromones and has to be locked away from her for much of the day so has no time to think of my delicious leg.

    Boy expected to just get on with it! I would be laughing but recognise the syndrome, "don't waste time on foreplay just get on with it!", foreplay was supposed to be the good bit!

    Interesting to see that some are getting some fun after transition, I have now spent 24 hours wondering what don't grok it means, should I google it?

  8. Caroline, I needed to read this several times before responding. I love the subtlety and discrimination of your thoughts in describing your experience. It has spawned a post of my own, because while similar the experience can move in many direction even though the underlying theme is the same.

    Thanks you, this is an important post.

  9. Caroline, grok is a word that was coined by Robert Heinlein in his book Stranger in a Strange Land. I'm afraid we all devoured that book back in the 1970s. As I recall, to grok meant to understand in a way that was beyond just through observation -- to understand something's essence, as it were. So when I say I don't grok asexuality, it means I understand it intellectually, but my very sexual inner being doesn't really get it.

  10. A new word for me, thanks Ariel.

    So I guess I don't grok natural sexuality, I understand it intellectually, but my very asexual inner being doesn't really get it.

    I spent the 70's reading books from the 30's and before so missed this completely.


Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

I can be contacted on the email found on my profile page.