Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Spring and new shoots...


Suddenly I find myself moving out of invalid mode. The discomfort and time dealing with discomfort  have both reduced to the point where real life is starting to gain a foothold. 
Friends were invited for Sunday lunch, one of the reasons for such invitations is to get the house in a tidier state which after five weeks of neglect was long overdue. I finally felt able to tackle a vacuuming session while Julie cooked up a chicken curry which could mature overnight and be easy to serve with minimum time away from guests, this has become more of our style as age creeps on… Think I know where my ache in the shoulder comes from, so out of condition.
Interesting the subtle differences even in those who have been totally behind my change, Having gone to the limit and had the operation any lingering doubts have clearly melted away and they have stepped a pace closer, often literally as when a friend of over forty years finally finds that he can offer a warm hug. His wife who designs and makes knitwear arrived with lots of bags which I assumed were for taking care of their new charge, a guide dog for the blind puppy. Recently the passing of their last dog left them with a dilemma because they did not feel it wise to commit to the lifetime of another dog but missed having one in their lives.

Out of one bag came a soft toy dog which she had found at one of her trade fairs and even found a manufacturer who’s bags had my name on it! Clearly she thinks my life requires a dog but knows that I can only cope with a stuffed one…
After lunch we settled down for coffee and some chocolates when she produced another bag for me containing two of her latest cardigan designs, designs which we had talked about the when I last visited them just before the Brighton trip and I was very encouraging and complementary about several elements of the design and which I had tried on for comfort, she said they were seconds which I somehow doubt… 
We had a great time but could not face washing dishes, not back to full fitness just yet.
Now that I find I have more time free to be me I am spending a lot of time reading or in silent contemplation while Julie has taken to playing music quite loud at the other end of the house, a sort of role reversal.
I have a lot of free time because while I was disabled from sitting at the computer I decided to pull back from my f***b**k presence for a while. I had to edit my timeline incase it was published while I was unable to deal with it, I spent a lot of time working through old posts and mostly deleted them. It was the old me there with a small interesting group of “friends”. While I have been away nobody has been seeking me out and many are posting the sort of angst which I want as little as possible of in my future. Old fiends will not be abandoned but my time there will now be minimal. 
My heart is in blogging which I plan to carry on with, I continue reading all those I follow and will be posting myself for the foreseeable future. Strangely Blogger comment boxes more often than not do not have a follow by email box to click anymore so my email inbox is pitifully empty these days. I am not sure if the problem lies with blogger or individuals having to reset their preferences, if you are not getting as many comments back have a check. The other factor is that so few of the blogs which I have followed for so long have stopped or vanished and because I have added so few in the last year or so my comments have not been so far ranging and fewer followers have found me. All in all this has left me with a very quiet and daily brief net presence, after four busy years this is very strange, not intended, just happened!
I know that I am in limbo for some weeks to come, not able to do as much as I would wish. It is interesting feeling myself coming to terms with the new situation free of the remaining tensions from that pre-op period. The world is still the mad place it always was but I feel quite serene and find some old enthusiasms  starting to re emerge. I have not had the interest, the driven interest, in photography for these last four or five years. I had bought a number of very fine books on the subject in that time but just not felt able to do justice to breaking the plastic shrink wrappings! The first one has been opened, one which I purchased in a museum in Germany last year after I had been telling those I was with that the exhibition of Greek sculpture and ruins was lacking some work by Herbert List. There was his book on the subject in the shop, quite honestly they should have cut one up and pasted the prints on the gallery walls! Yes some interest is returning.
I have been using some of the new free net time to explore some sites about France, I am itching to get the wind and sun on this new body on my favourite beach exactly back where my blog began over three years ago.


  1. Slowly but surely you will be up on your feet 100%. Just be sure to take it slow and just "be" in that limbo state for a while. What did you name your new soft toy dog?!

  2. The real puppy was called "Lucy", They had no choice and has to be referred to as Lucy four legs since their daughter is Also Lucy, now Lucy two legs...

    I was thinking Fang! I will seek out a camera and post a snap.

  3. You'll suddenly blossom, appropriately it would seem at the same time as Spring. A new beginning, a fresh start. Like life itself there has to be a dying before there can be a new birth.

    Shirley Anne xxx


Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

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