Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Seven months on...


With life so hectic I missed a six month post-op round up and already another month has gone by and this is the first time I have found to think about a post all week.

People still ask if l am alright, I say that I am much better than alright! Life has quite quickly changed in a way I did not expect it to. Like stepping through a doorway into a completely different space…

We must each find our own eureka moment when all the hullabaloo associated with transition melts away and you are finally free to pursue the kind of life you always hoped for. I cannot say exactly when that moment was but sometime in the last seven months the constant need to read the latest news from the “T” frontline, with the extremes of sadness and joy, do not bring me to my screen anymore. I follow al those I have always followed but the posts from the 80+ on my reader list has dwindled to a trickle. My quite ordinary life goes on without any drama. The memory of the life which I once led is fading fast like a hazy dream, the memory of old body parts really does seem like it could have all been a very bad dream!



All is not perfect, we each must have worries about the transition process and apprehension about how it will affect us. 

I did wonder how on earth the plumbing could be so drastically altered and a new system of liquid waste disposal be fashioned and made to work from bits of the old system. The joy of finding that it did function was soon tempered by the random and erratic nature of the flow. You certainly need patience and something of a sense of humour along with an endless supply of tissues while it all settles down. Settle down it does do, eventually. Peeing without aiming is great and as a bonus I seem to have been granted a greater range before needing to pee and less urgency to go… An unexpected bonus!

My father had lost a leg during WW2 so I grew up knowing all about phantom limbs. What I did not want was a phantom bit of boys waste disposal apparatus haunting me for the rest of my life and thank goodness there is nothing to remind me of what was once there. Even better It is now very hard to remember the part or even where exactly it might have been…

My third item of concern was what effect the process would have on body shape. Clearly I was not going to suddenly appear butterfly like as a great beauty, but what body changes would take place? Over the last couple of years my rear has slightly expanded to now move more solidly with the rhythm of music, thank goodness it has decided to stop at the present size…. Breasts have formed nicely and also move quite naturally, perhaps not as large as most might hope for, I have never been overly attracted to large breasts so I am quite content and there does seem to still be a little increase taking place. My one disappointment is the ease with which any extra calories are stored round my middle! Beware as the metabolism changes appetite does have to be mastered and the reduced muscle mass means that you do not need to consume so many calories. I blame the long cold wet summer for inactivity and a little comfort eating especially whilst in France…

On each of the last three days we have spent several hours in attendance at a stall in the “Flower & Food” festival in the nearby city as hundreds of people wandered by, many stopped to chat even if it was to ask directions to the nearest toilet facilities! I have finally found my new life and can find acceptance in such a public test, I long ago stopped thinking about being accepted, it is just not an issue. if you had told me even a couple of years ago that such a thing really was possible I still would not have believed you but here I am…
My partner is not greatly interested in playing with intimate body parts but the other day did get curious to examine my new arrangement. “Looks like the real thing” she said with some surprise, it had been new and raw the last time she had taken a peek, “ what did you expect” was all I could say...



5 comments:

  1. Dear Caroline,

    I was away and living in a no-Internet world for much of August. I need to return to the discipline of my own writing, but before doing so, one of the few "musts" on my list was to find out what is happening with you. Thank you for this beautifully written update, which nicely captures what I think most of us hope for at the end of the transition road. May your eureka moment continue to expand, filling your days with the life you had always hoped for.

    Best,
    Robyn

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  2. Yes, a very nice update Caroline. Most, if not all of what you have written seems to follow the pattern and experiences of all of us who pass through the portal. The excitement and the thrill of the ride, together with all the inherent problems along the way serves only to get us to our destination. Once there all that is soon forgotten and we are brought back down to Earth as we venture into our new life. Transition is simply that, transition.
    Glad you sorted out the water-work flow. It does take a bit of getting used to doesn't it? Speaking about phantom 'parts', I did experience that for a few weeks post-op. Now I cannot remember what it was like having the old 'accessories'. LOL

    Shirley Anne x

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  3. I love your hair like that. Have you pulled it back into a ponytail or had it cut shorter?

    It's not so long ago that you thought you'd never have surgery. I'm glad that everything is settling down so well.

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  4. Girl, you are absolutely gorgeous! I agree with Anji, your hair is lovely.

    The discussion of bits is very difficult for me to read but you wrote it in a way that made me smile. Thanks so much for that.

    Calie xxx

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  5. *Waves* Hello - hope all is well with you both.

    Sxxxx

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Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

I can be contacted on the email found on my profile page.