Saturday, 21 December 2013

Five years on...


Five years ago I made my first blog post, quite a scary thing for someone who had spent their life hidden away as much as possible and had to confront a blank screen whilst being dyslexic. But then again that as we know was the least of my worries.

A year of RLE seems like an enormous time for just one of the steps along the way to a real life but passed in a flash and has now sunk deep into the forgotten memories file as has most of the torments of that once hated past life.

A life in transition makes for an interesting story whilst life after transition has little of note to hold the interest of my small band of readers. Over the past five years potential blog posts were constantly forming in my head, obviously by the time I sat at the keyboard the fine turns of phrase had long been lost as had whole ideas most of the time. Quite a few got through, Just over three hundred including this one which must be equivalent to a fairly fat book if printed out. They say everyone has a book in them, perhaps this was mine... I have been utterly honest and hope that it has given support and encouragement to some others seeking a similar path. Does the blog sit gathering virtual dust or does it sometimes find a curious visitor start looking at those early posts as I once did for other’s blogs late into the nights when I desperately needed to know that I was not alone?

I have shown that even though my route deviated far from a more regular path I got through in the end. I see occasional pictures purporting to be of the past me but they are surely of some long lost relation, maybe even a dead twin brother, it does not seem possible that the changes have been able to turn me into an acceptable old lady…

This old lady is quite gregarious given the chance and gets great joy from being so accepted and accepting of generously given hugs from all my women friends who once kept a safe distance… Sadly trans world has been filled with a great multitude of transient friendships online. It is understandable that people will want to leave this world behind and forge their new identities unhampered by past associations, not everyone is happy to have their past interfere with their future, I have to live with not hiding away and feel that since I am not hidden, and perhaps some may well suspect, I can at least put a positive face on transsexualism and show that we are not the monsters portrayed in the gutter press.

I would not have imagined that the net would provide me with such a range of interesting contacts nor how close it is possible to feel towards someone only known through their words where personalities can shine through. That so few have remained real longterm online friends or occasionally stepped out into real life is my greatest regret but that perhaps returns us to the point about wishing to leave us transient friends as far as possible from that hard won freedom and new lives.

How can five years online and almost two years now since my life changing trip to Brighton have passed so quickly...?

I have just realised that I started in the deepest, darkest depths of winter in my search for a life out of the shadows and in the sunshine…  

Not a fan of consumerval myself nor of presents after a childhood without any presents I could actually enjoy… As usual here we shall each receive a present of natural gas to power the heating system to try and survive another long drawn out northern winter. Some of that gas shall warm through those who come to our seasonal gatherings until about a week into the new year when the realisation dawns that lengthening daylight will not mean increasing temperatures for quite some time to come and semi hibernation is a good survival technique...


Yuletide greetings to all my readers.


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