Monday, 4 May 2009


After a flat out hectic two months I am sitting here with no pressing commitments except perhaps to try and cure this terrible cough and sore throat. In the middle of the night it was so bad I could not sleep, what I did not know was that everyone else in the house had been woken by my hacking cough while sleeping!

My exhibition opened at the weekend with two previews, total seven hours of trying to chat and entertain. I played my part with hardly a cough but lost my voice by the end and am paying the price now. Docs back from their holiday tomorrow, I shall be on their doorstep before they open to get one of the few short notice slots, tried last week with no luck. Julie was so worried she lay there wondering what she would have to do to live in this old pile without me, nice to be wanted for something.

My sister and her husband visited from the south of England for the holiday weekend. There was a lot the two of us needed to talk about since we failed to meet at all last year, some things need a face to face meeting, in the end the whole time passed in a hectic whirl and we are going to have to debrief over the phone when she gets home. Shame my fabulous B & O phone after 14 faultless years refuses to talk to it’s base station. Dilemma of the age, do you pay a fortune to repair an old machine or put the money towards a new machine with up to date technology?

How can you afford t even think of a new phone after all your recent expenses I can hear recent readers say, well miracle of miracles sales have already covered the money I used from housekeeping to pay for framing costs to get the show up and running so all my apprehension was pointless. Someone wants two so will be back to see me in a few months time while yesterday I was stopped in the street and offered a direct swop by a much more expensive artist. Not a bad result considering half the population seems to have gone away on holiday and last time at this gallery most of the sales came after people had gone away to have a good think so fingers crossed. Julie is now even more convinced that she can sell my work by being my manager when she retires in the summer. What about my retirement?

My sister brought old family 8mm. movies in danger of damp stored in her attic space, included are some I made when I was a student. If sales permit I should have some off this transfered to digital and see if it was as good as thought it was. At the time I wanted to make a film unlike anything I had seen. Eventually I saw KOYAANISQATSI (a state of life which calls for another way of living,crazy life, life in turmoil, life disintegrating, life out of balance), and realised that I should not have abandoned film making after all. Along with the films were some really bad family holiday transparencies, the ones which had been edited out for the bin and lovingly treasured by parents. Since the good pick seems t have long been lost this is all that is left of that period. A crowd came for dinner last night to see my sister so I loaded 80 slides into a magazine and set up the old projector for a show after we had eaten. It has often been said that me and my sister would have made a good set of twins and these slides came as a surprise to most who have only ever known the two of us recently. That crushed heart feeling came with the realisation that by looking at my sister now, only three years younger than me, I can have a very good idea of what I could have looked like if I had got the help I sought thirty nine years ago instead of undergoing the ravages of testosterone. For a while this dented my usual present composure.

My thanks to Lisa for finding the “In Your Dreams” video, please pass it on.

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Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

I can be contacted on the email found on my profile page.