Saturday, 22 August 2009

retirement, not a good start

We are not long into Julie’s retirement, scent from the bunches of lilies still permeate the house and we are not easily falling into our new life.

Without any consultation she has assumed that she can take over whichever parts of my half of the partnership she wishes and I should find other things to occupy myself with. She wants to do the cooking but has NO idea about how to shop. Except for wine and that has to be reduced! For someone who organised a team of workers she is incredibly reluctant to make forward plans and stick to them assuming that we have been able to open some form of communication. To top it all there is cricket on again. I should be grateful, five days of peace but it is on audio all over the house so that she can walk about and not miss anything! Some is digital via the tvs and is slightly delayed from the radio, the commentary is like a surreal poem in an unfathomable code. She is quite excited (by the cricket), England could win by some miracle, this is not really the done thing, they are supposed to be the underdogs. Well it keeps her happy but I have no Idea what she wants to do after it ends.

Julie is still supposed to be occasionally supervising the progress of the last work project adding her expertise, the project is months behind schedule. She was shocked by her treatment on her first visit when all privileges and access to project computers were suddenly withdrawn. She wanted to help out as unpaid volunteer and now feels that they will not appreciate her unless they have to pay. They are working on a one day per week project for next year, hope this works I need the peace and quiet.

There is a lot of moaning about lack of money as if I don’t operate at my best in austerity mode, being born into post WW2 shortages and that hardship has prepared my generation for any hard times to come!

The one thing which causes no problems is me being me anytime I wish, seeing me in a skirt all day if I wish has become accepted normal. It had been my greatest fear that we had not come to this arrangement before we were forced into such close proximity all the time. I feel so lucky while so many others out there are having such a hard time with their wives or partners.

We may go for a short trip north next week to see three friend’s exhibitions, bad timing leaves our free bed and breakfast unavailable but we wish to encourage them so I guess we shall have to pay up for accommodation and forgo the socialising we had hoped for.

First day without rain for weeks, if this lasts through tomorrow I can paint from the access tower which I put up a month ago and have not been able to use yet!


  1. That's great that you're able to wear what you want! It's such a small thing, yet such a big thing, all at the same time. As far as cooking... hmmm, maybe you should shop and Julie could cook it!

  2. Caroline,

    Retirement is often a shock for the partner, who was used to being left to their own devices during the day. I'm sure their will have to be an adjustment period, where boundaries are agreed upon. You certainly have my sympathy. After living alone for decades, the thought of having my space invaded, and my routine upset, by someone with their own agenda, is not a pleasant thought.

    Glad to hear that epilator is working out for you. You are right. Although that first harvest can be a real bear, subsequent epilations are a piece of cake. After using an epilator for years, I can't imagine why anyone would put up with the hassle of shaving, razor nicks, and the prickly stubble, that emerges in only a day or two.

    Melissa XX

  3. You remind me that seafarers' relationships often sail into rocky waters when the seafaring partner 'swallows the anchor' to spend more time at home.... I hope you both successfully negotiate your new life!

  4. I have heard people talk about roles and effects of change on them.
    Its really interesting how your wife is wanting to take on certain roles that she has not before. Quite possibly because she is trying to find her new place in life.
    I guess its similar to the changes in roles that our wifes worry about when we come out as Transgender women.
    They wonder how this will effect them and there lifes. Wondering if we will be the"woman" of the house and where this will effect them.
    I guess as with anything communication is the key.
    PS I am a secret cricket admireer too. It was because my father used to listen to it on the radio wherever we went.
    And wow we won the Aussies !!!!

  5. I'm dreading Rob retiring - no more of my music (would you believe I married a man who likes Abba in Swedish?)
    It's early days yet and I'm sure you'll get your roles sorted out. As for cricket - it deprives me of radio 4 in the kitchen and don't they witter on about nothing?

    The good news is you can be who you are.Hope the weather is behaving for you.


Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

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