Saturday, 22 May 2010

Not quite my normal standard

This is just plain lazy I know but I am trapped with a sticky French pc keyboard in black which makes finding the keys hopeless so I have just stolen a chunk of an email which I have just sent. We are in the south now just getting organised and bitten by the bugs which are just about to be dried by the heat which has just started. So here goes:


Zut! Je suis attrapé avec un keyboad etrange et en France tout les chiffres sont caché, Clak Clak!

There that*s better!

Desastre! just tried to plug in the two pin epilator in a two pin country and it does not fit! With all this sunlight and shorts I can see a real need to harvest NOW. There were two days of spring, my niece complains that she has no chance to wear spring clothes! and already it is summer, must find some high factor suncream.

1200 miles to get to see Alain again and this time nobody would come to help even to make the appointment.

My french is really bad but you are supposed to chat to your hairdresser that much I know! Last year he thought I was female when we went to make the appointment, no wonder I like him. We chatted about what really was going on and the countryside full of wild flowers because of the late spring and the psychology and joy of hairdressing! We came to a point where he held the scissors frozen in mid air and said from this next cut this is feminine, I just gave a big smile and on he went. No I have semi fringe to help hide the widow*s peak and some long dangly bits which he said could look Geisha like if I put my hair up! The whole thing feels so different my smile keeps on and on.

What a dull coming out tour this is turning out to be. Everyone else gets to write screeds of anguish and everyone abandons them and they end up penniless and alone.

All I get is " that*s great, so what*s different! "

At this point I should have a turmoil of regret, remorse etc for having wasted so much time and opportunity but that would have been the old tormented me, this new me just gets on with the life and time I have. this is the greatest surprise of all.

Still lots of preparations for the exhibition and visitors who start to arrive in a few days, they are going to find the dead wifi even more frustrating. Using this pc makes me feel eugh! I think I may try and steal a chunk of this message to make a quick post to let the world know that I am still alive.

PS, early french potatoes are to die for!

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Finally tell my sisters.

Well here we are 450 miles south in the lush countryside around Oxford. Quite replete after diner in a country pub.

We arrived mid evening last night with everyone tired at the end of the week, a few comments were made about appearance but nothing to give a lead in to the story I wanted to tell, even the new pierced ears went without much comment except for the present of some new ones of gardening tools when I said I would be looking for some like that! Exhausted everyone went to bed early.

I arose bright and early and wandered the garden with some envy then went to browse the music collection for some inspiration, it is being input for the trip just now.

I put in my new dangly camera earrings.

As we sat for breakfast I said that there was something my sister had to know. There was a quivering of lip and an almost tearful look for a few seconds and almost instant acceptance that this is how it should always have been. There had been now real surprise at my appearance because I had always been much like this and now was just more extreme, earrings and definite women’s clothing was within expected behavior! My brother in law arrived from his trip to the shops at this point so we told him he was now outnumbered and had to re learn some pronouns, “oh fine” was about all he said, “no problem”. They have no problem with the concept and have had a previous close neighbour when in the city transition many years ago and knew of many others too. We are everywhere!

Soon I was preparing a salad lunch for the visit of her twin sister, husband and niece, I chatted to my sister for an hour or so about the past, what I told her made my life make much more sense, this was already accepted as history and life was to just go on.

Sister number two arrived at lunchtime and we greeted with a hug and I told her that I was about to spoil the family tree she was building. Something was said in explanation and this was again accepted and another hug and she was off on a subject which interested her more. No more was said about it for the rest of the day! I had been absorbed into normality in the blink of an eye!

This is a picturesque village so most of us went for a walk after lunch, the sisters and niece raced ahead and discussed having to try to be sure to use the “she” word, my niece was asked if she had any problems with the change, “no, I have already been through watching my friend Andrew turn into Amy at college”, as I said we are everywhere.

Another niece has just looked in to say hello while I am hidden away in this office, nobody had told her so we had a long chat. Never had a suspicion even though I had given her detailed suggestions on what to consider for her thesis on crossdressing when she was on her fashion course and the thousand other clues. I was my usual oblique self when I started to say what had happened so it was a while before she really got what I was telling her. She was so happy that I had found a way to break free and finally be myself.

So there you have it. No body suspected dispite or because I have always been the way I am but everyone has accepted my new self efortlessly and without reservation.

No excitement here, I wonder if France will be so simple? Ferry overnight on Sunday then shopping for this seasons potatoes in the French markets in Normandy before heading south.

Friday, 14 May 2010

May be gone a while.

Time just melted away, no pictures of unopened flowers in the garden due to chill spring weather or the carpets draped over parts of the veg garden to keep down the weeds for when we return.

Not sure how much I will be able to stay connected on the road, bit new for me so we shall see. Don't hold your breath I may be some time. Perhaps you need a rest from me! Still up trying to load music into laptop for the trip, time for bed.

Saturday, 8 May 2010

A week flashes by

The last week has passed in a flash. Every time I sat down to write a blog post I got distracted by a first reading others posts and e-mail and sometimes chat and then all my time disappeared.

From having all the time in the world to play our departure is suddenly only one week away and still many things to sort out. Since we drive on the left in the UK we are supposed to adjust the headlights so as not to startle oncoming traffic driving on the right. Last time we drove abroad I purchased the appropriate stickers to put on the headlights only to find that there were no instructions on where to stick them. I assumed would be some help at the ferry port that I wouldn't be the first person to arrive there with the make of car we drive, they were no help and suggested trying garages in northern France when we arrived, they were no help either. I tried accessing Volkswagens Internet site, typically worse than useless! Why is it that companies find it so difficult to use the Internet for more than a couple of percent of its possibilities! Today I visited the dealership has the company had advised me to do prior to my next journey abroad, their suggestion was that the car had to come in to the garage and be set up using their headlamp testing equipment! What a bunch of cretins! This would cost a fortune and they are suggesting doing it days before I leave the country so the headlamps would be useless here!

The late spring has created some marvellous blossom on the trees which has lasted well because it hasn't been affected by frost, even the plum tree which I threatened to cut down because it never produced a decent crop of fruit in the nearly 25 years it's been growing. Perhaps trees can hear, under threat this one has decided that it will kill itself under the weight of fruit if that blossom gets fertilised.

We have cool sunny days alternating with cold damp days, on a couple of the good days I attack the garden with vigour and energy, too much vigour and energy for my reduced muscle mass and now I am in pain! My brain clearly has not received the message about my new lack of muscle tone but after this suffering I think the message may have got through. Even typing these keys is a pain.

There was another day trip to Glasgow this week and while Julie enjoyed a day visiting an exhibition of paintings at Glasgow's Kelvingrove Art Gallery on the Glasgow boys a group of painters from about 100 years ago who painted really nice pictures of Glasgow girls and landscape. I took a leisurely walk through the park and paid another visit to the Sandyford gender clinic. That's not all they do at this clinic and I didn't pay much attention to the few others in the waiting area as I organised to fill my head with music from the iPod while I waited. It drowned out the noise of the chattering girls nearby who were quickly replaced by another couple, a guy with really hairy legs protruding from his baggy shorts and he was chatting to a delicate androgynous creature or who had taken three hours to get there by bus, they too were loud.

Only when they disappeared did my attention fall on the girl at the other end of the room and I started to take in some of her details, it was a few moments before I realised that we were in the same situation! Here is the one place I should have expected this but this is the first time I had encountered anyone else. Suddenly I was able to to realise that we don't necessarily a stick out like a sore thumb and unless you are paying attention we could be passed on the street without too much notice. Well she could anyway. She tapped away on her PDA and made it clear that she was content to stay in her own bubble so I left her to it.

She had made some kind of mistake with her appointment with the clinic and since she got seen first it set me back but it is such a friendly place waiting is no great problem. We chatted about how I was getting on and how others are taking to my changes, I told him about having to come out to Norma my dentist that morning when we did an update of my medication and Norma just came out with the biggest smile like I'd given her the best birthday present she had ever received and immediately started to compare HRT regimes! A couple of seconds was all it took to be enrolled into the sisterhood.

When asked if I had any concerns I said the only one was whether the government would maintain their services in these hard economic times. His reply was that it was unlikely given the high profile that had been given to being inclusive that discriminatory cuts would be allowed, the most to be expected was perhaps a little delay. This is still something away off in the future, a year or so at the earliest if I'm able to go down that path. Meantime I've been checked and I'm still alive and don't appear to have had any unwanted reactions so my dose has been doubled. My next visit will be in August and I've promised to take a blood test with me to see how things are really working.

I went wearing silky blue tunic length top, cast-off present from a girlfriend who now has an excuse to go shopping, and a pair of earrings which arrived just moments before I left home, little silver cameras glinting in the sunlight! What a joy to be out in the world, wandering through the park in the spring sunshine feeling absolutely alive. If I had been told even two years ago that I could ever feel like this I would not have believed it, this is happiness way beyond anything I've ever imagined.

Next week is going to be interesting, 400 miles south of here I shall be making my two younger sisters, I don't expect them to be too shocked when I tell them exactly what's going on. That they have had over half a century to try and puzzle out why my life has been so strange, if they haven't already at least contemplated the possibility of me being how I am I would be most surprised, I'm putting money on them being relieved to know for sure. Watch this space.