Thursday, 22 March 2012

Seven weeks on...

Seven weeks ago I was calmly going to bed ready for a momentous following day.
Six weeks at home now but recovery did not go quite as planned with a small piece of skin graft failing on my inner labia. Hardly the best place to choose to have a wound which you need to constantly dress and keep dry. I have marvelous help from our local district nursing service who have kept me well informed as to progress and have been encouraged that progress was better than expected. I miss their visits and happy demeanor, they were surprised how calm I remained even through some desperate moments. 
I guess I am back on track. I have been out driving short distances but the swelling is a bit uncomfortable still to make longer trips enticing. The swelling makes peeing interesting and random in direction, perhaps that is enough information…
I am coming  back to life and so is the world with longer light and some bright sunny days. The camera came out with me to see what was happening in the garden since I saw the magnolia buds starting to burst open, evidence below.

I am still trying to put into words what it feels like to have a coherent identity. All that buzzing in the head is a distant memory as is the presence of the old equipment. I look down and it all seems so normal, I know that there was something else there before which was a great annoyance but it is starting to feel like it was simply a bad dream… Something which I know used to have me in the depths of misery especially when it mockingly and pointlessly activated itself for no reason! Many others have written about how they did not hate the old bits and even got some pleasure from them and have even written thank you and goodbye letters to their old bits. It is decades since my brief moments of pleasure mixed with disgust so all I can say is good riddance. Naturally my partner thought I was crazy to be exchanging a handy and convenient waste disposal unit for the sleeker hidden version and she has some truth there, after many decades it had not long since finally provided a perfect stream of waste! Still think the exchange is priceless…
For some reason for these last seven weeks music held little interest, iPods lay unused even most of the time in the hospital, books took over and silence was preferred. Music is coming back into my life at last but I have enjoyed my hours of silence. I too am coming out of my tight wound bud and blossoming...



  1. Dear Caroline,

    I'm just catching up on your life after several weeks away. It took the worst bout of sore throat and cold that I have had in decades to make me stop for a few days. Living the "What Do Uranium and a Transgender FSO Have in Common?" life has been exhilarating in the extreme, but my body finally told me to stop . . . and catch up on some other wonderful people such as yourself in whose steps I hope to follow.

    I love your way with words, Caroline. First it was "spa therapy," and now it's "sleeker hidden version" of a "waste disposal unit." What a lovely way to put it! That is another of your phrases that I'm going to adopt shamelessly, as it expresses how I feel so very well.

    On music, I just rediscovered vinyl. There is an album of harp music by Susanna Mildonian that I loved 30 years ago but had lost. I tried to find it as a CD, but it was never re-released. I finally found the album itself on e-bay and can now lie on my couch and close my eyes again to the strains Grandados' Spanish Dance. My own mp3 music collection sits dormant, of little interest to me at the moment.

    May you stay on the healing track, Caroline, and continue to provide us with such lovely photographs of a flowering spring!


  2. Glad to see you are managing to return to the world slowly but surely and taking things easy. You've been through a major operation so it's understandable that you have taken so long getting back to normal. I didn't feel fully back until after three months. Sorry to learn about that little healing problem and hope it gets better soon. I hope you are getting to grips with the new plumbing system too! I love the photos you've taken, very good indeed.

    Shirley Anne xxx

  3. Your lovely photos remind me of the photos that you posted of the Spring flowers in the Meadows, Edinburgh, this time last year. How can a whole year have passed and how different we both are one year on.

  4. Having an inner labia on which to have a failed graft: priceless.

  5. All great comments but five stars to Leslie Ann for spotting just how quickly you can get used to a new body and chat about it as though it had always been!



Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

I can be contacted on the email found on my profile page.