Friday, 13 April 2012

To the lighthouse...

Remnants of easter brunch

Ten weeks ago I was just coming round from my operation, big gush of emotion as I read those first few words…
Recovery has not exactly been text book smooth but is now closer to being on schedule. Slight numb sensations at times and still some swelling associated with a deep firmness which is slowly reducing in size beneath the suture lines. Waste disposal gets better as the swelling reduces and interestingly urgency to go seems to have calmed down from my time with the old apparatus. I know there used to be something different down there unless it was just a very strange bad dream but it becomes harder and harder to remember just what and where!
After being fairly housebound for longer than expected I have been taking advantage of the new freedom to get out and visit friends and have also regained control of the food shopping and thrown myself into cooking again. Friends were great about making sure we were never short of food supplies but it is not the same as actually going and being inspired by what is on offer…
Just as I get more mobile there are school holidays and Easter making it difficult to get appointments to get me looking decent again. Four months since I got so sit down and chat to Sally my hairdresser has me looking very shaggy and hidden behind a long fringe, just as well so nobody can see the two furry caterpillars crawling across my forehead! All will be fixed by this time next week and I shall feel closer to beautiful.
This very sedentary life since Christmas has seen all my muscles waste away. With the loss of muscle comes the slower metabolism added to them having turned to fat… Trying on some summer clothes, trying to try on… I am about to see if I can sit on a bicycle saddle yet and if I can it will be the start of a daily ride on the exercise bike until the weather improves. For a while it was beyond wonderful for the time of year then one day I woke and thought the blossom had really come on only to soon realise it was covered with snow!
I have slipped so effortlessly into my new life the old is becoming a bit hazy. Just how much I have changed became clear just the other day whilst we were watching a recorded documentary about George Harrison. I have written in the past that the Beatles helped save my life by opening up the opportunity to grow my hair long unlike any other recent age. George appeared in every look from young schoolboy with a wild quiff of hair on his head to his latter clean shaven look. In the middle of the film he was suddenly on screen with long flowing hair and full beard and mustache, I was a bit taken aback, looked across to Julie and she had reacted too. For a long time that was my disguise and with Liverpudlian forebears perhaps helping we looked very similar! Little wonder that I used to look at an occasional reflection with despair, how could there be a woman under all that!? That was the person Julie fell for and has had to loose, little wonder she felt so sad. Great wonder that she has been able to accept and stay with the huge changes which have occurred. Not sure how I would have done it without her.
Hail is bouncing off the roof and we were able to sit out in the sunshine for lunch at this time just two weeks ago… I had started taking ever longer walks to build up strength and stamina and was looking forward to a daily walk to the lighthouse. Oh well, soon...



  1. It will be great to get back to your former strength Caroline and I think you've planned everything well having had your operation early in the year. Now you have the warmer months to look forward to and you will be much more able to get out and about doing your shopping, going for rides and walks and all. I tell you, it will all take on a different meaning for you as I'm sure you'll agree.

    Shirley Anne xxx

  2. We've had the same problem with the weather too, though no snow.

    Glad that everything is going slowly but surely. I think that a lot of us are going stir crazy after having the taste of spring cruelly withdrawn.

    You and Julie are very fortunate to have each other.

    Started to look out for Ile de Ré potatoes. I think they've gone underground again for a bit longer.


Many thanks to all who ever joined in the conversation and to those who took the time to follow my zig zag to a new life..

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