Monday, 29 April 2013
We sometimes find ourselves being told that we are brave to face the world and go through transition, to fix as best we can the fault we were born with. It is a long time since I have heard it, now it is very rare that I ever have any kind of conversation about it other than amongst ourselves.
Somebody wrote about it recently and finally it dawned on me that this is always taken back to front! If you had a broken arm or a curable cancer would anyone praise you for dealing with it,and Would family members or friends dare suggest that you just hang in there and not disturb their peace of mind with your silly problem?
The ones who are brave are those who choose to make the sacrifice of their own lives and wellbeing because they do not wish to make waves for those around them. They live a life of torments and despair others cannot even start to imagine so that others do not have to be embarrassed or have their lives disturbed. They are prisoners within the prison of their own skin even though they know that the doors remain unlocked and joy is but a heartbeat away. That takes bravery...
I lived like that for half a century though lived is hardly the right word… The accumulated suffering can hardly be calculated, immense in comparison to that suffered during the short time transition takes. If I had though for a moment that having no real will to live would not actually shorten my suffering I don’t think that I could have done it.
Changing in an earlier time no doubt would have been much harder than now that we have services lined up to help, that can only make the bravery of personal sacrifice even more poignant...